are you an emotional spender?
Emotional spending occurs when you buy something you don't need and, in some cases, don't even really want, as a result of feeling stressed out, bored, under-appreciated, incompetent, unhappy or any number of other emotions. (Thanks Investopedia!)
I'm an emotional spender, but as a money mindset coach I had no idea that I was... until I wanted to pay off my debt.
I realized how much I used to spending when I was bored or frustrated or unsure, or any other negative or positive emotions.
One of my biggest emotional spending emotions was FOMO.
I was terrified of:
missing out on the next big coaching program or
going out with friends or
missing out on some new cool trend I needed to buy
Once I got my spending under control and started to pay off debt I saw how much of my spending was motivated by things I just wanted NOW and not by what I wanted my future to look like…
But my present emotions.. they never care about Shannon at 65 or the Shannon that wants to get out of debt.
I just wanted to SPEND and face consequences later.
I also don’t present as a big spender. I don’t really like shopping for clothes or shopping at all!
I don’t own or care for brand names things so I never really felt like my spending was out of control, but once I actually sat down with how much money I have coming in and how much money I have going out.. it was obvious.
I wasn’t living within my means. I was living within my “someday means” Someday I’ll make the money that will support the lifestyle I want now.
My credit card debt wasn’t big explosive spending spree’s. It was little purchases day after day adding up and showing me that I wasn’t budgeting my money.
Here’s a fun quiz to figure out if you have emotional spending habits too:
5 common triggers of emotional spending:
“Emotional spending commonly stems from five main emotions — jealousy, guilt, fear, sadness, or achievement. If you find yourself browsing shopping apps instead of facing fearful projects, your emotions may get the best of your budget. Keep reading for a full breakdown of each emotional spending trigger.
1. Jealousy: You Shop to Keep up With Your Peers
You may feel jealous when someone gets an item you’ve wanted for a while or think is fashionable. When jealousy arises, you may go shopping for things you don’t need to keep up with others. Ask yourself, do I make purchases to keep up with those around me? If you answered yes, you may find yourself impulse buying a new pair of shoes to outshine someone else. Even if these expenses are budgeted for, keeping up with others may feel exhausting.
Healthy swap: Gratitude journal. Every morning, write out five things you’re grateful for. You may feel happier with what you do have rather than what you don’t.
2. Guilt: When You Fail, You Treat Yourself
You may feel guilty when you don’t take care of your body, miss a deadline, or fail a test. When feeling uncomfortable, it’s common to seek comfort through other outlets. Instead of learning different ways you could improve, you may order expensive takeout food as a treat. Little “treats” may help ease your emotions temporarily, but too many bad habits may push your budget into the red.
Healthy swap: Learn, and improve. Figure out why you’re feeling guilty and three things you could do to improve. Then set goals to work towards these improvements and kick bad habits to the curb.
3. Fear: You’re Nervous, So You Use Shopping as a Distraction
Fear may be associated with your everyday life — facing a new work project, running late, or general anxiety. It’s normal to want to avoid our fears as we’re hardwired to protect ourselves. Fearful emotional shoppers may browse online shops for work supplies while over tackling an intimidating work project.
Healthy swap: Walk it out. Take a deep breath and walk around the block. Walking anywhere from 10 to 45 minutes may improve your mood and anxiety.
4. Sadness: You Buy New Things to Boost Your Mood
You most likely have felt sad, as many of us do. Sadness may have been sparked by a detrimental event, or simply waking up in a gloomy mood. For emotional shoppers, buying new items may temporarily lift their spirit, but cut into budgets. Buying a new kitchen appliance may dent your savings, but may have made you happy for a week. It’s scientifically proven that when you buy something new, your brain releases endorphins (A.K.A., happy hormones) but this isn’t a sustainable tactic for your budget.
Healthy swap: Get in a sweat session. Replace a shopping endorphin rush with a healthier endorphin rush — working out. Head to your local gym or try a new workout at home.
5. Achievement: You Reached a Goal, So You Reward Yourself (Too Big)
You checked off one of your goals, and congrats! You’re a rockstar. You may feel like you’ve hit the lottery, but your budget may not. You may want to avoid celebrating over dinner and paying the bill for everyone at the table. Instead, create a list of rewards that don’t hurt your budget. Celebrating over a home-cooked meal may be just as special.
Healthy swap: Treat your future self. Taking a personal day or adding more to your savings could benefit you in the long run. You may feel rested and ready to take on future opportunities.”
from: https://mint.intuit.com/blog/how-to/emotional-spending/
A big emotional spending trigger for me was:
REWARDING MYSELF.
Rewarding myself while budgeting for the expense, totally fine.
But just buying something because “I deserve it”.. agh not so fun because that stuff added up and put me into debt.
The pandemic taught me a lot about my emotional spending habits.
It was a great time for you to reflect on what you did or didn’t do during that time.
When outdoor spending was limited because everything was shut down, what happened to your spending habits?
Did they rise or decrease?
What did you cut back on?
What did you buy more of?
What did you find that you didn’t miss as much?
What did you miss a lot?
Review what changed for you during that time.
It was such an enlightening time to shed light on emotional spending because we all were in so many emotional places. It could reflect for you what you do during emotional times with money.
How did I get my control and end up paying off $25,000 of debt while being an emotional spender?
1) I needed a budget.
Now here’s the funny thing: I’ve had a budget since 2018 but it didn’t help me pay off my debt and change my emotional spending habits until 2020. That’s because I was tracking my expenses I wasn’t planning for future expenses.
Now here’s the funny thing: I’ve had a budget since 2018 but it didn’t help me pay off my debt and change my emotional spending habits until 2020. That’s because I was tracking my expenses I wasn’t planning for future expenses.
I started utilizing my favorite budgeting software: You Need a Budget
Here’s a 34 day free trial: (no credit card needed to start the trial)
If you’ve read any of my other blog posts, I constantly talk about having a budget.
Now maybe you think a budget is limiting or it’s dumb or you don’t need one or it will mess with your abundance mindset BUT every great successful RICH person KNOWS where every coin is GOING.
More importantly: they decide where it is going to go.
Emotional spending hates budgeting. It hates that money has already been assigned a purpose.
The great thing about using YNAB that helps my emotional spending is the freedom to create buckets.
If you are an emotional spender; here’s 3 mindset tips on how I paid off debt too:
2) I thought about future me and the future of my family
My debt pay off started in May 2020 and guess what else happened at that time?!
I had a baby! Coincidently enough my debt paid off ended right before I welcomed baby #2 in September 2021.
I’ve always had this thought in the back of my head that when I welcomed children into the world that I would be financially stable and at that time my money would go towards their future and no longer towards mine.
It was this expectation that I had set for myself as a mom that I wanted to be able to put the majority of my money towards their needs and cut back on my own.
Becoming a mom shifted something within me that my decisions no longer just affected me or my husband, but they affected my children.
When I wanted to do those impulsive spending actions I realized that no longer were my decisions were my own but now they were decisions for my children and the future of my family.
Now as a mom I working really fucking hard so I’m not going to completely cut out of all of needs and wants. Oh hell no.
It just meant that I think of them when I am thinking of big money decisions now.. but there is always room in my budget for coffee, facials, and a pedicure.
3) I let go of all my shame of previous irresponsible, reckless, bad money decisions
Most people are ashamed, embarrassed, and just feel plain guilty about their decisions with money that they allow those feelings to stop them from moving forward.
Some people feel like they’re in so much debt.. it can feel like who cares about another $100!?
Or it can feel so overwhelming just to feel those feelings that you want to avoid those feelings which means avoiding your bank account.
Money is emotional, like REALLY emotional and that’s okay! A lot of people don’t want to look at their money because it gives me them feelings that don’t.. well.. feel good but what if we just looked at the emotion like a notification?
Instead of always trying to avoid the feelings that came with money I let them come up and labeled them and told myself it was totally okay that I felt that way.
Try it next time you’re opening your credit card statement:
you feel anxious? That’s okay
you feel upset? That’s okay
you feel ashamed? That’s okay
Emotions aren’t good or bad, they’re little notifications for us. Telling us hey something that doesn’t feel right here, I wonder what’s going on?
The financial industry can be full of so much good + bad, right or wrong.. no wonder why we all just immediately curl up into a ball of shame at just the thought of looking at our bank accounts.
Let’s shift away from that.
If you think.. yeah Shannon it seems like I’m an emotional spender!
Then guess what… that’s a fucking okay.
But now what will you do to make financial choices that reflect more of what you want?
Will you start a budget?
Will you join financial communities that talk about becoming better at finances?
Will you start following more people who talk about finances? (AKA here’s my instagram ;) )
Your financial future can all be dictated by what you do now.
Let’s start now!
